Imagine someone asking you “How many hours a week do you spend working?” or “What do you do?” you are likely to answer something like, “I am a full-time student and I work part-time at a department store,” or “I am a full-time mom of three boys,” or I am a professor,” or “I am a computer analyst”, etc. Your answer describes the daily routine of what you do for a living, which is a job that gives you income, a social identity, a certain professional status and, sometimes, public recognition. However rewarding, very often a job includes duties, tasks and requirements that we are obliged to perform, whether we like them or not. Our freedom to do only what we like in our job is almost always limited. This is a main reason why so many people suffer from job-related dissatisfaction and see their work as the necessary evil they must endure in exchange for a monthly paycheck.
Now, imagine someone asking you “How many hours a week do you spend creating something that gives you joy?” or “Do you have a creative habit that helps you handle stress?” Think of your answer: you may take a little longer to give a reply and, when you do, you may say something like: “Hmm, you know, I’d like to be creative but, truth is, I’m too tired”, or “Well, I’d love to have some time for creativity, but I’m too busy with other things,” or “It would be awesome to have a creative habit but that’s a luxury for the rich and I have bills to pay” or “Me, creative? But I’m not an artist, I am an office manager!”
If your answer to the question about creativity resembles any of the answers above, it is high time you changed your attitude toward your ability to be creative. In this chapter, you will be introduced to a number of mythic characters and real people who consider creativity not as a luxury, but their birthright. The truth is that we are all born with the ability to be creative, just as we are born with the ability to think, dream and imagine. But, while some of us continue to honor creativity throughout our lives and enjoy the benefits of a creative habit, many others betray our creativity as we seek joy in habits that are not only non-creative but, oftentimes, self-destructive.
The prices we pay when we stifle our right to be creative are as high as those we pay when we stifle our dreams. In my practice as a psychotherapist and coach, the majority of clients complaining about feelings of depression, insomnia, panic attacks, low self-esteem, or sense of meaninglessness are the ones who ignore their dreams and their own creative impulses. Over the years, I have helped a number of people reconnect with their natural ability to create, watching them enjoy the benefits of their creativity: a recovered self-confidence, an improved ability to handle life’s daily stress, freedom from depression, and a sense of fulfillment that no medical treatment alone can ever catalyze.
As you are working through the fourth phase of this method, it is essential that you experience the joy of developing and maintaining creative habits. Reconnecting with your creativity will allow you to be spontaneous and daring as you suspend judgment about the outcomes of your creative efforts. Your benefits from becoming creative will be a sense of sustained pleasure, inner freedom and independence from other people’s approval. The more you allow yourself to be creative, the more self-confident you will be and the better you will like yourself.
CREATIVITY 101
“To create” means “to cause to exist”; “to bring into being something that has never existed before”. Everything created is first imagined. Therefore, creativity is the human activity in which we use constructively our imagination by giving material form to our creative ideas. I In this context, a creative person is not only prolific in ideas but also active in materializing creative ideas in the real world. This creative input enriches not only the individual life of the creator, but also the world at large.
Creative people are not necessarily professional artists. They come from all walks of life and their creativity applies to all aspects of our civilization: they may be scientists discovering the hidden laws of the universe or new cures for terminal diseases; business people creating breakthrough opportunities in national economies; lawyers excelling in their field thanks to their creative problem-solving ideas; visionary politicians leading nations to freedom and prosperity; teachers creating innovative methods for the classroom; farmers creating breakthrough methods of farming or breeding; cooks creating culinary masterpieces or revolutionary cooking methods; administrators guiding organizations into success through creative leadership; police detectives solving mysteries and incarcerating criminals thanks to creative thinking. Age, level of education and socio-economic status do not matter: a creative person can be a child, an adolescent, an adult, or a senior. He or she can be single or married, divorced or widowed, childless or with children. Individual differences may be unlimited. But there are three characteristics, listed below, that all creative people share in common, which you must also develop as you work with this method:
a. Creative People Honor their Creative Impulses
Creative people know the relationship between creativity and productivity, and they are careful to keep them in balance. They nurture their creative needs by taking the necessary time and space to access imagination and stimulate creative thinking. And they bring their creative ideas into fruition by being productive. They also honor their creativity by protecting and nurturing their ideas and by following a discipline that involves hard work, concentration, isolation, unusual decisions, sacrifices, dedication to the creative purpose, and trust in their inner voice. Nevertheless, in spite of the demands of the creative process, staying loyal to their creative pursuit is never a burden for creative people. The joy from seeing their completed creation is so pure, that it redeems all the strenuous efforts exerted during the process.
Examples of movie characters portraying creative individuals abound. Some of them are introduced in this chapter. I encourage you to see the respective films and notice how different those characters are, yet how similar in the way they honor their creative impulses. These characters represent simple people yearning for the joy of creating, much as we all do. As you watch the films, let them inspire you to reconnect with your own creativity and feel the joy that you see them experience in the films.
Working Girl, is the story of a young woman’s determination to bring her creative ideas into fruition, having to protect them from being appropriated by her boss. Tess McGill, the main character, is a thirty-year old administrative assistant who lives in Staten Island and commutes every day to her work in the Manhattan financial district. On the ferry, she reads and, in the evenings, she takes classes. Tess wants to become something more than a secretary. She is bright, talented, informed, and, most importantly, she has creative ideas about mergers and acquisitions that she presents to her new boss, Katharine Parker, hoping to be appreciated and offered a better position in the company. But Katharine has different intentions: when Tess offers her a brilliant idea that will save a large company from a foreign takeover, Katharine steals it and presents it to her clients as her own, advising Tess to not mention it anywhere else.
It is not too long before Tess finds out that her creativity is being exploited. She vows to protect her idea and use all means available to make it happen, even if this means that she will pretend to be Katharine. While Katharine is away recovering from a skiing accident, Tess assumes Katharine’s identity and follows through with her plan, fighting to see her idea become reality until the very end, even after her true identity is discovered and she is exposed as an imposter. But, thanks to her persistence and willingness to take risks for her own creative idea, Tess does not give up. Exposing Katharine minutes before she signs the deal with the clients, she proves that the idea was originally hers, and wins. When Oven Trask, the client, asks Tess why she had to do this and risk her reputation, her answer is:
“You can bend the rules plenty once you get to the top, but not while you’re trying to get there. And if you’re someone like me, you can’t get there without bending the rules.”
Oven, admiring her courage to fight for her idea, responds:
“You’ve got a real fire in your belly, Ms. McGill.
Tess’s answer to this complement only means that fighting to protect one’s creativity is never easy:
” I’m not quite sure what you mean, sir. I’ve got something in my belly, but I think it’s nervous knots.”
Tess McGill is not an artist. Her creativity is not expressed through poetry, writing, or painting, but through brilliant ideas creating multi-million dollar breakthroughs in the financial world. But, just as an artist who fights to protect her work from being appropriated, she fights to have her idea recognized as being her own. She is diligent, thorough, brave, and she loves what she does. She does not rest until she sees it take form in reality. And, considering her limited means, she thinks and acts creatively throughout her ordeal against all odds, until the truth surfaces and she fulfills her dream.
Another tribute to creative people is the epic Titanic, which is filled with characters honoring their creativity till their last moments, even as they are drowning with the “unsinkable ship” into the abysmal depths of the North Atlantic. The story is told eighty four years later through flash backs by Rose de Witt, a survivor, as she is sitting in her pottery studio. Rose is a hundred and one years old and she is still creating pottery. Surrounded by her works, she recalls her fateful travel and introduces Jack Dawson, a young artist and the love of her life, who died during the tragic voyage. She spent only hours with him, but their love became immortal.
As she recalls their moments together, Rose brings us eighty-four years back to “the most erotic moment of her life”, that she lets us witness it: hours before his death, Jack is drawing a nude of her wearing only a necklace with a big, blue diamond. The beauty of a seventeen-year old Rose in love is immortalized in the drawing, seen through the eyes of the artist. “I couldn’t stop shaking” old Rose confesses, alluding to the erotic intensity of the experience that stayed with her forever. Jack’s art captured a lifetime of love that survived his death. For Rose, his art did not only create her drawing; it created Jack’s immortality.
As Rose remembers, we live with her the tragic scenes that unfold as the ship is about to sink. We are shown five musicians of the ship’s orchestra completing their last piece of music. We watch the unknown musicians bid their last farewell and walk away; except for the violinist, who stays in the same place and starts playing solo. As the other orchestra members hear him play, they stop, return and join him in the piece. Amidst a crowd of screaming passengers running in vain to save their lives, these musicians peacefully accept their imminent death and choose to celebrate life with their music, until the dark ocean swallows them playing their last note. Defying death by remaining creative till one’s last breath is one of the most powerful messages in this epic, which is also a tribute to inner freedom, immortal love, and the inexorable right to honor one’s truth.
b. Creative People Regard Creating as Healing
Creative people are healers. They create to bring wholeness to the inevitable wounds inflicted by life. Their creative output is their answer to aggression, deprivation, unfairness and injustice that, unfortunately, abound in reality. Through creating, they contribute toward increasing beauty, harmony and love, without which life cannot exist. Creativity is their only weapon against the afflictions of depression, boredom or loneliness and the source of strength, courage and hope. Creative people do not allow the burdens of life to discourage them. They create in spite of the daily pressures and dramas to conquer pain, fear, poverty, illness and, even death.
“When I dance, something happens and I sort of disappear” says Billy Elliot during his interview with the Committee of the Royal Ballet Academy. “It’s hard at the beginning, but then something happens and I start flying. I feel free. I disappear into the air like a bird, like electricity. Yeah, like electricity…”
Billy calls “electricity” the divine light that sparks in him when he is immersed in the creative process, enlightening his existence and the world around him. Through dancing, his essence becomes one with The Creator as he, little Billy, disappears. The joy of dancing heals his grief for his diseased mom, his worry for his ill Grandma, his sadness for being mistreated by his brother, and his sorrow for being rejected by his father. Billy’s wholeness is in his dance. That is when his daily life becomes secondary and he feels truly alive.
There is no process livelier than the creative process. Its essence is the very stuff of Life, which is Nature’s will to push beyond limitations in order to accomplish Creation. And, once the creation is accomplished, there is no joy deeper for the creator than the joy of sharing it with the world. A modern myth describing how the creative process brings wholeness not only the creative agent but also to those who commune with the creative outcome is Babette’s Feast.
Based on a short story by Isan Dinesen, Babette’s Feast is set in remote Frederikshavn, a small Lutheran community on the Jutland peninsula in Denmark, in the second half of the nineteenth century. The villagers are fundamentalists adhering to a rigid puritanical dogma. Their life is dedicated to religious observance, reciting of the scripture, material poverty, and avoidance of all temptations of spirit and body. Their Spartan homes and churches are devoid of embellishments or furniture that might provide the slightest comfort. Their manners are restrained; wordy interactions are restricted as silence is enforced to maintain the spiritual tone of relationships; indulging in simple pleasures such as food or other, more complex, physical desires is simply unfathomable. For this community, joy is a sin.
One day, a French woman arrives at the village, offering her services as a maid to Martina and Philippa, the two unmarried daughters of Pouel Kern, the diseased spiritual leader and founder of this community. During his life, father Kern managed to forbid his daughters to have any relationship with the outside world, forcing them to abandon all prospects of marriage or career. Due to his intervention, Martina’s ended her love for a young officer wanting to marry her, while Philippa ended on her own accord her friendship with a Parisian opera singer, afraid of the joy she experienced during their singing lessons. Years later, the same opera singer sends Babette to their home, who agrees to be their servant and work without wages. For fourteen years she does so, following diligently the community’s rules, cooking simple meals, observing the silence, and helping the two sisters with their community service.
No one knows that Babette has been a gourmet chef in “Café Anglais,” a famous French restaurant, until, one day, she asks the two sisters if she can prepare a lavish French dinner for the entire village, to celebrate their father’s 100th birthday. Babette offers to pay for the entire feast, with the money she won in the Paris lottery. The sisters hesitate but finally agree, on the condition that the guests observe the vow of silence throughout the meal, so as not to indulge in pleasure. Babette orders the food from France and sets out to prepare the feast. Soon the ingredients arrive: live turtles for soup, game and meats for the main courses, a wheelbarrow full of offal, bottles of champagne and fine wine, and trunks with fine china, silver, crystal glasses, lace linen, and fancy candles. For days Babette works at the kitchen, creating a feast of love, a true art masterpiece that will forever change the life of the community.
As the evening of the feast arrives, the villagers congregate around a table where they taste caviar with mussels in vodka sauce, turtle soup, quail filled with foie gras and truffles, fine meats, expensive cheeses and exquisite deserts. As they raise their glasses to drink Veuve Clicquot, superb champagne, they cannot help it: moved by the spirit of the food and enveloped in the delight of its taste, they break the vow of silence and begin interacting. For the first time they realize that spiritual prosperity can be enjoyed through material abundance. As the joy of tasting Babette’s food is lifting everyone off the ground into higher spheres, the retired General, Marina’s discouraged suitor from the past, suddenly raises a glass to declare that nothing is impossible. Babette’s abundance has brought to everyone joy beyond words, empowering their spirit with the hope that no opportunity in life is truly missed, as long as one wants to achieve a dream wholeheartedly. Her feast, creating such spiritual and emotional abundance for that deprived community also proved that the one who creates is never poor.
While the villagers delight in the majesty of the senses, Babette, alone in the kitchen, delights in the fulfillment of her dream: her culinary art has healed an entire village, banishing everyone’s fear of joy. Looking at us, she reaches out with a plea that speaks for the desire of all creative people to create wholeness:
“From across the world there goes one long cry from the heart of the artist: Give me leave to do my utmost.”
c. Creative People Pursue their Projects to Completion
Out of the creative projects you have begun over the years, how many have you actually finished? Remember, “to create” means “to bring something into full existence”. If your creative projects are begun ideas that have never found completion, they do not count as creative endeavors. Sorry, but these are only abandoned efforts patiently awaiting your honest attention.
We all have “abandoned efforts” hiding somewhere at home, in our drawers, in our computer’s hard drive, even in our mind: a screenplay that is twenty-five pages before completion; an incomplete needlecraft, quilt or knitting project; a bookcase we built in the garage but never varnished or placed in our son’s bedroom; an antique car that we have been rebuilding for the last ten years; a foreign language that we never learned to speak fluently; a dance that we never learned to dance without stepping on our partner or causing public embarrassment; a recipe for the special cookware we purchased but never unpackaged; an idea to expand our business that we never pursued beyond writing it in our notepad; and so on.
What causes us to abandon our creative projects and betray the joy of creating? A usual explanation is that we stop the creative process because we give into “fear of criticism” or “fear of failure”. This is only partially true considering that, in reality, we engage in many self-destructive endeavors, ignoring criticism and inviting failure in our health, finances, as well as personal and professional life: we indulge in junk food knowing that our cholesterol count will go up; we watch countless hours of television, neglecting to communicate with friends, family, and loved ones; we spend money compulsively, knowing that we are damaging our credit; we cut corners at work, knowing that we will eventually be discovered and called accountable; and so on. The truth is that the reason for abandoning creative projects is not our fear of criticism but our fear of commitment to a challenging process, period. It is in our nature to abandon a creative habit when arising difficulties cause discomfort and to indulge in destructive habits just because they are easy and immediately gratifying.
One of the most deceptive beliefs about the creative process is that it is a constant source of joy, freedom and success. Nothing could be farther from the truth: the creative process is as challenging as any other endeavor and it requires heartfelt commitment from the beginning to the end. Every creative project presents challenges, obstacles, difficulties and problems that suspend pleasure until we resolve them. This is why the joy of creativity is ten percent in starting a project, zero percent in persevering through its challenges, and ninety percent in accomplishing it. But, once the creation is completed, the experience of the creator from sharing it with the world is filled with pure delight. In western religious teachings, the Creator’s profound, restful enjoyment from having completed the universe is described as the Seventh Day of Creation. Creative people seek this joy and, therefore, do not abandon their efforts as unwanted children; instead, they treat their creative projects as children needing to be parented until they become self-sufficient through consistent love and dedication despite challenges and rough spots.
An example of creative person who accomplished her project with amazing determination, overcoming criticism and personal attacks of national proportions, is Maya Lin. Her story is the theme of the documentary A Strong, Clear Vision, a tribute to her creative work with a special focus on her remarkable achievement, the Vietnam Memorial Wall. In 1981, as a 21-year-old senior architecture major at Yale, Maya Lin won first prize in the contest to design the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in the northwest corner of the Mall in Washington D.C. She had proposed a simple, graceful, and abstract design of two 247-foot-long walls of polished black granite, set below grade and connected at a 125-degree angle, on which the names of all the more than 58,000 American dead and missing from the war would be carved in letters a little over half an inch high and arranged chronologically, according to the year of death or disappearance.
Lin’s winning design did not enjoy the public acceptance one would have expected. As soon as it was publicized, it triggered the bitter criticism of a small but powerful group of Vietnam veterans about its color, proposed placement below ground level, and lack of heroic quality. The design was characterized a “black ditch” or “black gash of shame.” A few conservative politicians supported the opposition until a compromise was reached. Following a number of highly publicized meetings, in which Maya Lin was personally attacked and repeatedly forced to defend her project, it was finally agreed to add to the monument an American flag on a 60-foot pole and a group of three realistically-modeled, seven-foot bronze figures of Vietnam-era American soldiers by another artist. Fortunately, these additions were placed far enough away from the wall so that its artistic integrity was not seriously affected.
Maya Lin withstood unfair, chauvinistic and, occasionally, racist attacks with admirable strength and inner composure. She never compromised the integrity of her vision or negotiated the principles of her conception: the Memorial Wall was a healing monument, offering visitors an intimate and contemplative experience as it allowed them to experience the deep sense of loss it conveyed. Lin’s perseverance resulted in the phenomenal success of her project, once it was completed. The monument was dedicated and officially opened to the public on November 11, 1982, Veteran’s Day. Since that day, more than ten thousand people per day visit the Wall; amongst them are Vietnam veterans, families of the fallen, and the public at large who experience profound healing as the names of the dead or missing, which seem to float on a transparent black plane, exert their power evoking strong emotion. Additionally, as the visitors can see their own face dimly reflected on the polished black granite, they are invited to enter a dimension in which life and death are two facets of one continuous experience. The monument, in silence, speaks to each visitor in a very personal yet universal way about life and death, grief and loss, and embracing what one cannot change.
Another remarkable woman who left a legacy of overcoming difficulties in order to bring a creative project to completion is Roberta Guaspari, the heroine of Music of the Heart. Based on the Roberta’s real life, the film tells the story of a schoolteacher’s struggle to teach violin to underprivileged children in East Harlem. After her devastating divorce, Roberta finds herself with two children and in need of work. A music teacher facing few opportunities for work, she becomes aware of an opening at an East Harlem public school. After convincing the school principal about the value of teaching music in her school, she is hired. Roberta begins her work in a problem-ridden environment, filled with burned-out, underpaid teachers, accustomed to expect very little of themselves and the school system. In addition the children, most from troubled families, have little support at home for academic achievement let alone learning the violin.
Roberta begins working with the zeal and stubbornness of a neophyte, as the children challenge her authority and question the value of her work. But she does not get intimidated. Showing determination, amazing inner strength and genuine interest in the children, she eventually wins their trust and connects them to the violin. As her students learn to play, their improving self-confidence has a positive influence on other aspects of their lives. Their parents, formerly skeptical about Roberta’s function in their school, notice their children blossom and begin to respect and admire Roberta. She has earned everyone’s trust.
For ten years Roberta’s program flourishes, earning great reputation in the City until, in 1991, the school board seizes the funding. Roberta will not allow this to happen. Determined to give the biggest fight of her life, she summons the help of the parents, a journalist, and a number of the world’s best violinists, and organizes an amazing concert at Carnegie Hall to raise funds and save her program. The concert, in which she and her students share the stage with artists such as Isaac Stern, Arnold Steinhardt, Itzhac Perlman, and Sandra Park, is a phenomenal success and raises funds that ensure the survival of her program for several more years.
Roberta Guaspari is a living legend. An Italian-American woman who made Harlem her home, she had been playing the violin since nine years of age. Music gave her peace, sanity, and inner strength when her divorce shattered her life. She brought her gift to inner-city schools and shared it generously with the children, empowering them to honor their creativity and always pursue their dreams.
THE CHARACTERISTICS OF A CREATIVE HABIT
In the next section you will be encouraged to develop a creative habit following recommended activities and exercises. As you discover and nurture your own creative habit, keep in mind its main characteristics. A creative habit:
1. Gives you energy.
2. Holds your interest.
3. Gives you the freedom to make mistakes and see them as learning experiences.
4. Challenges your thoughts, stretches your imagination, and generates new discoveries and problem-solving ideas.
5. Increases your self-confidence and self- acceptance.
REEL FULFILLMENT IN ACTION
A. MOVIE TIME! WATCH A MOVIE FOR FUN, LEARN A LESSON FOR LIFE
The following films portray different characters with one thing in common: their lives are determined by their willingness to be creative. Choose a film and watch it alone or with your groups. Answer the questions at the end of the list in writing and discuss your answers with your group. Repeat the same with more films of the list, as your time permits:
A Chef in Love (1997); directed by Nana Dzhordzhadze
Amadeus (1984); directed by Milos Forman
Artemisia (1997); directed by Agnes Merlet
Babette’s Feast (1987); directed by Gabriel Axel
Big Night (1996); directed by Campbell Scott and Stanley Tucci
Billy Elliot (2000); directed by Stephen Daldry
Camille Claudel (1988); directed by Bruno Nuytten
Chocolat (2000); directed by Lasse Hallstrm
Finding Neverland (2004); directed by Marc Forster
Frida (1988); directed by Paul Leduc
Frida (2002); directed by Julie Taymor
Immortal Beloved (1994); directed by Bernard Rose
Like Water for Chocolate (1992); directed by Alfonso Arau
Maya Lin: A Strong, Clear Vision (1994); directed by Freida Lee Mock
Music of the Heart (1999); directed by Wes Craven
Pleasantville (1998); directed by Garry Ross
Pollock (2000); directed by Ed Harris
Shall We Dansu? (1996); directed by Masayuki Suo
Shall We Dance? (2004); directed by Peter Chelsom
Surviving Picasso (1996); directed by James Ivory
The Agony and The Ecstasy (1954); directed by Carol Reed
The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (1947); directed by Joseph L. Mankiewicz
Titanic (1997); directed by James Cameron
Working Girl (1988); directed by Mike Nichols
Questions to Answer:
1. What role does creativity play in the life of the main character of the story?
2. How does the environment respond to the main character’s creativity?
3. What other forces in the life of the character do oppose his/her creativity?
4. Notice that these forces may be not only external, but also internal.
5. How does the character stand up for his/her need to stay creative? How does he/she defend his/her creativity? List his/her actions and evaluate them.
6. How does the story reach you and what lessons did you learn about your own creativity?
7. What are you prepared to do to be more creative?
B. PRACTICE CREATIVITY: EXERCISES FOR YOU
1. Developing a Creative Habit
1. Think of something you have long wanted to do or something you used to like doing as a child but later abandoned because you got on with life obligations. It must be something that used to give you pleasure.
2. Set time aside and begin the process of developing a creative habit. At the beginning you may feel awkward, as though you were out on a first date. Do not give up; in time, awkwardness will dissipate and will be replaced by delight.
3. From time to time, check your progress of becoming creative by running through the five characteristics of the creative habit described above. Remember: you will know that you are becoming creative because you will feel inner joy and trust in your ability to resolve problems in unusual, new, surprisingly intelligent ways!
2. How Much Do You Avoid Being Creative? A Check-in
1. Use a daily schedule to count the number of hours you spend watching television in a week.
2. Also, count the hours you spend every day surfing the web, chatting on the internet, or reading and writing e-mails.
3. Promise yourself to spend half of this time on television and the internet and the other half doing something creative. Challenge yourself.
3. Dare to Be Creative: Some Ideas
1. Do something you have wanted to do by have been postponing for a long time. E.g.: learn how to cook, work on your car, decorate a room in your house, develop a business idea, learn how to dance, begin a collection, learn how to make jewelry, learn a foreign language. Follow your desire and listen to your heart.
2. Make it your habit to do something constructive or creative when you are in the grips of an unhelpful emotion, such as anger or sadness. Keep a log of your activities and progress. You will be amazed with the results in your life, in a very short time. (Hint: Watch Billy Elliot dance his anger off in the film listed above.)
3. Join a group or a class and learn to do something with your hands (e.g.: pottery, gardening, baking, making jewelry, welding, making furniture, knitting, etc.) Engage your body in the creative process, especially if you spend hours in an office.
4. If you like music, join a choir or learn an instrument. Organize music nights at your home. (A client of mine organized ‘opera nights’ in her home; her guests dressed up as famous opera characters and each performed their favorite aria. Then, they had champagne and a lavish, home-cooked dinner.)
5. Finish a project that you began and abandoned some time ago. When you finish it, have a party to celebrate your completed creation.
6. There are hundreds of books and video-tapes on craft-making. Borrow a few from your public library and read through them. Find a craft or activity that interests you and emerge yourself in it. Allow yourself to have fun in the process.
7. For Christmas, a birthday, or for a special a holiday, make your gifts for your family, friends or loved ones, instead of buying them: they can be hand-made cards, home-made cakes, a craft, a knitted sweater, a carved toy, a framed sketch, a collage, anything that excites your fantasy and gives you pleasure to create. Invite your family to do the same. Hand-made gifts are special and very meaningful not only for those who receive them but also for those who make them. They are less likely to be thrown or put away, and gain value as time goes by.
8. Take a cooking class or create your “Party of Chefs”, in which you invite friends to participate in a collaboratively cooked dinner. Rent a cooking video, open your recipe books, and have a lot of fun creating in the kitchen!
9. Interview three people that you consider creative in any domain. Ask them about their creative habits and their relationship to their creativity. Ask them about the gifts they received from their creative habits. Ask for advice of how to develop and maintain a creative habit.
10. Write the names of three people who drain your creative energy due to their actions, words, or attitudes. Resolve to limit your contact with them to the minimum, and use your time to develop a creative habit.
11. List three activities that drain your creative energy or consume your time from having a creative habit. Resolve to stop engaging in those activities immediately and save your creative energy.
C. THINGS TO REMEMBER
● Creativity needs practice to grow into a habit.
● When are creative you feel free. When you feel free you have an open mind that allows others the freedom of being creative. This makes you attractive and, very often, irresistible.
● Creativity and Joy are twins.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Maria Grace, Ph.D., is an expert at teaching people how to learn lessons from popular movies to find the job, home, relationship, and healthy body and mind they want. She is a Fulbright scholar, licensed psychotherapist, sought-after public speaker and coach, and the author of “Reel Fulfillment: A 12-Step Plan for Transforming Your Life through Movies” (McGraw-Hill, 2005). “Reel Fulfillment” was praised by Publisher’s Weekly as one of the top “self help books out of the self-help box” for 2005-2006.
For more information visit http://www.mariagrace.com and http://www.reelfulfillment.com
What really binds us to any negative emotional state in which we find ourselves suffering is this: choice.
Freedom from negative behavior and thoughts must begin with your recognition that you are voluntarily serving that which puts your own emotional and spiritual peace at risk. Notice the use of the word voluntarily. You voluntarily choose to serve that which diminishes your own well-being and psycho-spiritual health. When we adopt a negative attitude, we are boxing with ourselves. We are undermining our own emotional health. It is a personal vendetta against ourselves that negates our chances for happiness.
If you want to stop allowing yourself to be sucked down into the quicksand of negativity, there are some things you must do beginning with taking note of how often you disable yourself with your own negative thoughts.
It is important to realize that when we think an adverse thought we bury it even deeper into our consciousness. It is a lot like being in quicksand. If you squirm in it, you will sink deeper. The same is true with negativity, if you keep thinking it (which is tantamount to squirming); it will become more deeply entrenched in your consciousness. In other words, we pave the way for it to become an even stronger actuality in our life. Negative thoughts, words and attitude arouse negative and unhappy moods and actions. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the spirit, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. Negative thinking is the way to frustration, disappointment, failure and ultimate despair.
I recall a young woman who had given a workshop presentation. When she reviewed the feedback she received from participants, she was stunned that someone had written about how awful she was. The person even utilized a few expletives and emphasized that he would never attend another workshop where she was scheduled to present. She was devastated and vowed to never give another presentation. How unfortunate.
The problem in this scenario is not with the negative feedback the presenter received. Rather, it is with how the presenter chose to interpret it. She had at least five options (probably more). One, ignore it. Two, consider it humorous and dismiss it. Three, accept it as a right of opinion and nothing more. Four, reflect upon her presentation to assess if there were areas that needed improvement. Or, as she apparently did, internalize the negative into her consciousness, thereby setting herself up for defeat and self-pity.
And, in so doing, she is misusing and subverting the only creative power there is; that vital, dynamic substance in us, that God-given power which lies innate in every man, the power to speak it into being. God spoke existence into being.
When you talk negatively about yourself or to yourself, you bring into being that which you speak. Your own self-defeating, negative, pessimistic thinking will make you a self-defeating, negative, pessimistic individual. And, whether you realize it or not, you attract what you think. That is to say, if you think negative, you will attract the universal negative force into your life. If you think self-defeat you will attract all the forces of self defeat.
This is why negative people tend to “hang out” together. They feed on each other’s negativity as it grows within each of them. Suffering with chronic negativity, they distort their spiritual image and become their own victims. They willingly and voluntarily victimize themselves. How sad.
Most people are not aware of how negative they really are. Throughout the course of normal conversation, they bombard themselves with negative talk. Even people who are aware of the power of their words seem to miss some of the most commonly used derogatory comments that are made towards themselves and/or others in the course of normal conversation.
All negative assumptions about our lives are a painful prophecy made up by that deep inner part of us that not only want us to see ourselves as failures but, once having convinced us of it, actually cause the undesired outcome. You see what I mean? These negative assumptions that pop up in us about ourselves, others, the world; that darken our aspirations for a higher, more fulfilling life, are much like the beauty of fire emanating from burning logs in the fireplace. The fire has no power over us unless we voluntarily choose to stick our hand into it.
Spiritually, you loose your sense of connectedness, as you flounder around searching for the answers as to what went wrong, how could it have been done differently? Why did I behave like that? Why did the other party behave like that? What’s wrong with me? All those questions you fling around at no-one in particular vowing never to be hurt, or caught off guard, or to give your trust again, and in so doing you deny your very soul. You infect your spiritual self, that part of you that has always had a higher view of life; that part of you that knows that there is a tomorrow and a future.
Drop the negations. We have no room for this type of foolishness in our lives. Allowing negatives to define your life is an insult to your integrity and dignity as a human being. Negativity is your worst enemy. It is important that you understand this. You must fight against the enemy for you own survival’s sake. You must reject all negative thoughts that would control you. You have no other options. Survivor or victim, the choice is yours.
Take conscious control of your self-talk. The things you say to yourself in your mind, as well as the meaning you attribute to events in your life, combine to create the reality you end up living. Stop seeing the worst in yourself and in everything that happens to you. Stopping negative thinking is vital. It is our thoughts and expectations that shape and produce what we become and the quality of our lives is a direct result of them.
Learn to be comfortable with yourself. That is, accept yourself.
Allow the light of God to remove all the dark and negative conditions from your consciousness. From the wonderful place within, perceive the glory of the all encompassing Energy and your oneness with His living, never-ceasing flow of love in this uplifted consciousness which transcends and obliterates every adversity in the outer world.
The power of thought is man’s greatest gift from God, and it is one of our greatest blessings: the mind and spirit can at any time change its thought. Instead of thinking negative, debilitating thoughts, lift up your mind and think wonderful thoughts. Recall the words of the apostle Paul:
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable; if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. Philippians 4:8.
Think of the powers within you. You have the power to not only believe but to choose your beliefs. This glorious power of mental choice, of absolute freedom is your point of connectedness with God’s power. With this power, you can mold and form your every thought, endeavor, and purpose as an individual. And guess what? You can use the potency of your own thoughts to improve every phase of your human condition or you can choose not to use it in this manner.
Whenever you choose negatively, you are denying and burying the elixir of life and joy that is your free gift from the Source of all life and joy. Nothing compares to the great awakening to the power within. You have the power to express yourself in all types of creative ways, and succeed. You also have the power to express yourself in self-defeating ways, and to fail. Change the character of your thoughts. Shift your center of attention, altar your way of thinking about yourself and others.
What are negative thoughts other than self torment? No one else can hear them nor be harmed by them. Remember, what really binds us to any negative emotional state in which we find ourselves suffering is this: choice. Make the choice to drop the negations.
Wishing you champagne and caviar thoughts!
Saundra L. Washington, an ordained clergywoman and social worker, has practiced concurrently in the fields of social work and ministry for almost three decades. She is the Founder of AMEN Ministries, http://www.clergyservices4u.org and the author of two coffee table books: Room Beneath the Snow, Poems that Preach and Negative Disturbances, Homilies that Teach.
How long do you spend getting ready for a night out? At a guess I would say that if you’re a woman you can probably spend 1 hour upwards preening and titivating and if you’re a man you can be showered, shaved and out of the door within 20 minutes (unless, of course, you’re a metro-sexual in which case you probably take longer than a woman!).
Now let me ask you how long you would spend (or have spent) writing a profile for an online dating site? Less than 5 minutes, possibly 10 minutes maximum?
When you consider that you literally have minutes to impress someone and stand out from the rest in the online dating scene, don’t you agree that more time and effort should be put into writing an online profile?
If you are an online dater, I’m sure you will agree with me that when you are searching for a partner online you will first of all look at the profiles with photos and, secondly, you will look at the profiles where people have taken the time to write something about themselves. So if you have no photo and/or an incomplete and uninformative profile, don’t be surprised if you inbox isn’t full to the brim with messages!
I’m going to share a few tips with you to get you started writing an eye-catching profile. Once you’ve read them take some time to think about what you are going to write and jot down some quick notes before hitting the keyboard.
1. Grab a friend
If you don’t like writing about yourself or think you are going to get writer’s block it’s a good idea to enlist the help of a friend; the kind of friend who is always saying to you “I can’t understand why you’re still single, you’re such a catch”. Ask your friend what your star qualities are and he or she will come up with a million and one positive things about you which you would have never thought of or dared to say about yourself.
2. Strike a pose
The most effective way to get noticed online, is to include a photo. Choose a clear photo that shows in your best light and preferably smiling – it makes much better viewing!
3. Choose a fun username
This is the name which you will be known as by members on the dating site. I would advise you to use a name other than your real name to remain anonymous. Try and choose a name that is fun and reflects your personality, i.e. Sporty Sam or Disco Queen. Do not use a name which is sexually provocative or offensive.
4. Captivate your audience
Make your profile really stand out so that any person reading it will think “Wow, I have to get to know this person!”
Online dating sites have made it easy for you when completing your profile by providing drop down menus for basic questions such as your appearance, lifestyle, hobbies but you will also be given additional space to write something yourself. Use this space wisely to provide a more detailed description about your personality, your interests and what you are looking for. The key is to be confident and talk positively about yourself without coming across bigheaded.
5. Don’t leave an empty space
If you feel you have covered everything by answering the profile questions – please do not leave the additional space blank or write “ask me”, “tell you later” or “I don’t know what to say”. Members will see your profile and think you’re either not serious about dating or that if you can’t be bothered to put some effort into writing a profile you will have the same approach in a relationship – effortless! Instead extend on the information already provided, for example, if you have stated you like travelling talk about some of the places you have visited.
6. Ask questions
If there is a particular place you visited and fell in love with, ask anyone who has been there to get in touch with you so you can reminisce together. Asking a question in your profile makes it easy for other members to respond to.
7. Be Honest
Don’t lie about interests; you will get found out! For example, don’t say you love long walks in the countryside if you really like to dance the night away in nightclubs every weekend. You’ll attract the wrong person and waste both of your time.
As with any other kind of dating, it is always best to be honest from the start so answer all questions honestly and finding your perfect match will be much easier!
8. Show your funny side
I think if you can make someone laugh or someone makes you laugh, you’re on the path to a good relationship. Show people that you have a sense of humour, e.g. talk about a scene from one of your all time favourite comedies and you may strike a chord with someone else who found the same thing just as funny as you.
9. Dream a little
Write about your dreams and ambitions. If your dream is to travel the world but you haven’t quite got round to it there may be someone out there who would like to share this experience with you. If you’ve been lucky enough to fulfil your dreams, share your story with other members.
10. Don’t mention the ex!
Ok, so you may have just come out of a relationship and be feeling sad and lonely but don’t write about it. It will put a lot of people off and you may come across desperate, which is not an attractive trait. Make online dating a new start for you and promise yourself not to dwell on past relationships.
11. Your expectations
What are your expectations from joining an online dating site? Tell people the kind of relationship you are hoping to find but don’t say you are looking for marriage if you are really looking for a casual fling and vice versa. Again, you will waste both of your time.
12. Write a chapter, not a book
By this I mean, don’t tell your whole life story in your profile. I encourage you to provide as much information as possible about yourself but use short bursts of information, sectioned by paragraphs, rather than writing a long essay so whoever is reading it is intrigued to find out more about you.
13. Be safe
Finally, do not include any personal information in your profile, e.g. your e-mail address, home address, work address or telephone number. A reputable dating site will remove any personal information before it appears live on site; this is to ensure that they provide you with a safe online dating environment.
Once you’ve completed your profile, read through it or ask a trusted friend to read through it and ask, would you reply to this person? If yes, it’s all systems go. If no, look at the areas where it can be improved until you’ve created that winning profile. It may take longer than 5 or 10 minutes but the results that will show in your inbox will be worth it!
Alison Edwards runs www.SnappyDates.com/ a UK based dating site. If you are stuck for ideas about your online profile, members of SnappyDates.com can write to Alison at Alison@SnappyDates.com for advice on how they can improve their profile.
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